Musings...

My close friends know that I've been going through a bit of a bad phase recently. Over the past two weeks, it's been a spate of bad news one after the other. What's worse is, my family and friends seem to be stuck in the exact same metaphorical boat as me, trying to get off. It's like I said to a friend yesterday, "My life seems to be a daily enactment of Murphy's Law- What can go wrong, will go wrong." He chuckled and said, "In Pakistan we have what is known as the O'Toole's Law. It believes Murphy was an F'ing optimist!"

Over the past few years when shit has hit the fan I've always had one constant to see me through- Spirituality. I've taken comfort in retreating back to it and having someone tell me that everything happens for a reason, or try to show me the brighter side of things. Spirituality talks about life's lessons and explains how you may have attracted a certain incident or a person into your life, and all that came with it. Most of the time, we go through cycles of incidents and attract similar situations, with maybe different people, and try to figure out the how and the why and take comfort in the idea that WE caused it, and hence maybe we can do something to stop it. This time it's different though. Over the past two weeks it's been a string of things caused by a force outside of me, with problems I've never experienced before. People I trusted whom I never thought would turn against me, betrayed me. Problems that I never thought I had, have come and slapped me in the face. And the bad news.. Oh, the bad news! What on earth is up with the bad news?? Will the Universe let me take a breather please??

I've been posting on my blog over the past few days about fashion shows, mink coats and other luxuries. One may be easily guided into thinking I live a problem-free existence, with my life being an endless shopping trip. Quite the contrary. I made a commitment to write on here frequently, and after my long, exhausting and mind-numbing days recently, pictures of pretty things are all I've managed being able to focus on. A couple of hours back, I walked into work and saw my secretary ashen-faced on her desk. "Did you hear?" she asked as I walked in. "What happened?" I asked while thinking, "Please, no more bad news!" "A guy in our warehouse just died," she informed me. I called my mother and shared the news with her, "When will this stop?" was her response, as she echoed my sentiments exactly.

I was talking to my eldest sister earlier today (who is a homemaker, not the one with the wardrobe) and she was telling me how she's been going through a crisis period recently as well. Her staff at home was driving her nuts and she was frustrated and agitated as she was complaining about how everything at home was not going right. "I'm sorry but you're getting zero sympathy from me, " I said to her. How could she possibly even consider that her problems with her house help was even remotely as bad as what I was going through? "It's still energy draining, Kiran," she said to me, "and problems are all relative." As easily as I dismissed her problems then, I think now to how petty mine would seem to the family of the man who passed away. It really is true- problems, just like life, is all relative.

Maybe there are no answers, and no learnings, and no "law of attraction" and no "destiny." While I've always believed that it is our beliefs that make things happen unto us, I don't know why I'm going through this phase here and now. While I also believe that everything happens for the best, I'm finding it very hard to understand how that could be true for this particular time. However, I still choose to believe in the inherent goodness of people, despite current circumstances showing me otherwise, and I definitely still believe in a God above. So all I can do is lay low while keeping my chin up, and say to myself, "this too shall pass" repeatedly and hope God smooths things over, quickly. May God also give strength to the family of the deceased employee, and bring to rest, his soul.